let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
