I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
