On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
