She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
