yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
