my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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