Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
