are you so shy because you have an std?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
