Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
