ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Say something about gay babies.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
