If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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