tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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