awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
