but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
