tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
