I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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