They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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