is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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