The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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