So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
