You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
