as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
