Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
