When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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