someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
