I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
