i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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