I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
