Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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