And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ketchup is God's man juice
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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