Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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