My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
