That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
