She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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