I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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