I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
