At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
