idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize