I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
