Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize