watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
