today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize