I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
