He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
