who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
