I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
