He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
