i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
