so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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