I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
