im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My ATM looks so different sober.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
