so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
PANTIES FOUND
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