I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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