Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
zippers are such a cool invention
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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