How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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