you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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