She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
