Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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