i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
