just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
