I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
