Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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