I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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