I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
