So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
