So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
